Today in class, one of my teachers told us how the choices we make now will have an affect on the rest of our lives. Each step we take determines how the rest of our life turns out.
About a month and a half ago I made the worst decision I've ever made. I knew it was wrong, but for once I wanted to do the wrong thing. I felt like I was entitled to do it after all the pain I'd endured. Afterward I realized that I'm just not the kind of person that's cut out for sin. I can't enjoy it, and I certainly can't live with it. As if that wasn't enough to deal with, that one action would be the one that would change my life forever. The one thing that really really mattered to me was ruined forever because of this one decision. I still can't for the life of me figure out why I did it when I knew the consequences would be so treacherous. Why????
When we were kids we made mistakes constantly. We refused to brush our teeth, we bit our little sisters, we pooped in the bath tub. Then when our parents found out we got in trouble. We were put on timeout; we got spankings; we couldn't watch TV for a week, but not much more than that. Our parents would get mad, but in the end they just wanted to teach you a lesson; you had no doubt that they would still love you no matter what you did. Growing up the punishments may have gotten a little worse and meant a little more to you, but they were still merely a lesson of what kinds of consequences would come once you stepped out into the real world.
Now I'm 18, and I'm starting to realize that my actions weigh a lot heavier than they once did, and somehow it's also because of my age. Now if you say the wrong thing to your professor or even a peer, you lose a networking connection. If people find out you did something wrong, it'll stay with you for the rest of your life. If you make a mistake and hurt someone you're in a relationship with, you ruin the chance you had at a meaningful relationship that may have lasted a lifetime. Not only do your mistakes count, but the decisions you make to take certain jobs or join certain organizations can effect where you end up in life. Not to mention that the food you eat can now drastically determine the physical shape of your body that can be difficult to overcome later in life. This realization is daunting, and the sad thing is that I had to learn the hard way.
The thing I have yet to discover is if life often gives you second chances. I hope I find out soon...
4 comments:
for now i'll stay anonymous but i just had to tell you that out of all the amazing things you have written this is probably the one that has hit closest to home for me. now that we are all in college i have come to truly understand what people meant when they said mhs is like a bubble. i've had my share of punishments there and in life in general but nothing can be compared to how heavy the consequences of our actions are now. i have an idea of what your bad decision may have been and i am sorry that it went so wrong but i've been thinking about doing something similar myself despite the fact that i know it's sinful so i just wanted to say thank you. this really made me stop and think before i act. please keep writing i think god has blessed you with the gift of connecting so well with others especially through writing.
I'm sure we've all have experienced a moment or two where we did something and we felt like that decision is determining the rest of our lives. Even though sometimes that's true I think that we all have realize that that's just life (not trying to be harsh or anything). I mean it kinda sucks that there is no rewind or reset button or anything, but over time I just learned that we all have to move on. Don't let something that happened in the past be a dark cloud hovering over you in the present and the future because life keeps on moving whether you want it to or not.
This is probably why people say that annoying phrase "Live in the now" so much.
Hope you feel better. :)
Hey thanks so much to both of you for responding. I'm really excited that someone from Maranatha is still reading this and a new person from LMU is also getting into what we have to say. I appreciate both of your comments, and I really hope that you keep checking back in to see what we have to say. We have another post that should be up maybe by tonight or tomorrow that's about the different aspects of both Sami's and my own transition into college. I think we both get really personal in talking about all of that so I would love to hear your comments again when that comes up.
Regarding this post, I have really tried to get past the mistakes that I made. In general I'm not the kind of person who dwells on the past. I have an extremely heavy conscience like I may have mentioned so I have a hard time not confronting issues when they first come up. So at this point I've tried to do everything I can to fix the mistake that I had made my apologizing and trying to redeem myself and just facing my consequences. My situation has gotten a little better, but sometimes I can't help if it takes time to receive forgiveness from people I've hurt so I hope one day I will gain that back. Other than that, I know that God has forgiven me, and all I can do is try my best not to make the same mistake again (and I seriously doubt I will).
To anonymous: I sincerely hope you don't end up in a situation like the one I've been in. I really encourage you to do some kind of cost benefit analysis ( I know it sounds nerdy but basically that just means weigh the pros and cons) because a lot of the time it's just not worth it, and even if you want to prove a point if you're anything like how I was it'll just end up getting thrown back in your face. Regret can be hard to live with so try to avoid doing anything you might regret at all costs because you'll feel a lot better with a clear head believe me. And you know, just like "random lmu guy" said, live in the now, but don't let your past dictate the rest of your life, especially if it's motivating you to keep digging yourself into a rut that'll be hard to get out of later.
Thanks again you guys and all the best to you,
Alex
So I can say that this is totally true. I've had sooooo many mistakes that I've made when I was younger and it didn't mean anything, most of the time. But second chances are reeaallyy taken for granted. We actually get some but we don't realize it sometimes. Now when you get old, these second chances are harder to come by with bigger things, but, they're there. They're just there as you safety net for when you don't think about something. You get older, you have more responsibilities, its harder to get second chances. It's just a mindset you get used to :) don't worry about it.
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