So we got another comment from someone whose name remains anonymous asking us for some advice. This is what she said:
"incase you haent notice i am not very good with the guys...so when ever a guy gives me attention i jump on it so..this new guy tht gives me attention is not the nicest person he talks about my body and my figure tht makes me very uncomfortable...all of the comment are complimentary i guess but it still makes me uncomfortable. but i fear tht he is my only chance at some kind of relationship...i need help"
July 4, 2008 7:58 PM
Both Sami and I will give a response to this comment and also some general advice for how to decipher the attention you're getting from the opposite sex.
Alex:
To Anonymous- From what I can tell, this guy isn't the one for you. The reason I think this is because this guy seems to focus mainly on your physical assets and not on your personality. If it's making you feel uncomfortable, I'm assuming he's not saying things like, "You have great skin," or "Is that your natural hair color?" A lot of the time it's hard to figure out if I guy that seems generally nice is actually nice or if he's just trying to charm you into getting with him, BUT in this situation, it's pretty obvious that this guy isn't trying to take you home to his mother...more like the back of his car. While the attention he's giving you may be flattering, he's just saying the same thing outloud that every other guy is thinking; he's just too sick not to let it out. Plus, he might be saying this because he thinks that kind of flattery will get you where he wants you. Bottom line is that if he makes you uncomfortable with the way he looks at you or talks to you, you're not going to get any more comfortable when he thinks it's ok to start feeling you or touching you. Next time he says something you can pick one of these three options: 1. Walk away. 2. Slap the fool. 3. Say something like, "Hey, maybe you can talk like that to the trash you normally get with, if any at all, but I am a quality woman and I settle for nothing less than the best which does not include you and your immature, crude, and perverted way of making yourself feel like the man you definitely are not. Now kindly get out of my face."
EVERYONE ELSE: Being able to determine a guy's intentions by your first impression of him is a crucial skill. There are certain facts that you're going to have to face, and I'll tell you what they are right now:
1. Guys will try to get with you because, honestly, you have boobs and for some reason this intrigues them to no end. So don't think that every guy that talks to you is talking to you because he's interested in a meaningful, long-term relationship.
2. Just because some guys don't say creepy, perverted things does not mean they are not thinking them so don't be mislead.
3. There are some nice guys that want to be friends or actually care about the things you say, and there are some that just don't. Choose the former!
Ok so here are some clues that a guy wants nothing more than your body.
1. That's all he talks about to your face.
2. That's all he talks about to his friends.
3. He told everyone at school that he wants to nail you.
4. He spreads rumors about things you guys have "done."
5. He's not looking at your face when he talks to you.
6. He gives you a really creepy vibe when he looks at you.
7. He has a reputation for being a smooth-talker that know exactly what to say to get a girl to do the dirty. (Even if he says that he's changed and he really cares about you...that's probably what he said to every other girl.)
8. If he touches you in a suggestive way (i.e. grabs/pinches/slaps you butt, grazes/grabs/flicks your boob, gropes you period)
Ok and here are some signs that he actually likes you or values you as a person.
1. When he talks to you, his eyes are on your face or making contact with yours.
2. When you're talking, he looks at you and nods or something to show that he's listening.
3. He asks you questions about yourself.
4. He asks for your opinion about something.
5. Any kind of asking is good period unless he's asking you to bend over and get a pencil or something while he checks you out.
6. He doesn't check out other girls while you're around.
7. He's happy if he makes you laugh or if you affirm something he says or does.
8. If his friends tell you that he really likes you.
Those are possibly the more obvious signs, but still beware of the bad boys posing as nice boys. They usually have a reputation so ask around if you're thinking about giving him a chance. If he's bad news, other girls will be delighted to give you a heads up. Just try not to be naive.
Sami Says: From what I'm hearing this guy is not what your looking for at all. If you feel uncomfortable with him now, then I doubt that you will feel comfortable with him if you guys were to get together. And if he only talks about your looks and your body, than clearly he isn't very interested in who you are as a person, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you deserve someone who loves you for you, and everything about you, not just your looks, but who you truly are as a person. And you shouldn't just settle for this guy, or any guy, because i highly doubt that this will be your only chance at a relationship, you WILL find someone, you just have to give it time because he will show up, and he will surprise you, but maybe you should stop looking for a while and focus on something else... a hobby always works for me. I starting making clothes when one of my relationships ended, and then Alex and I started this blog when another one didn't go as planned. Maybe you shouldn't put so much energy into finding someone, and let them find you. Love tends to find you when you least expect it.
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