It Gets Harder to Be the Good Girl Every Day.

Alex: is making the making the most out of what could have been a really fun night by catching up on some blogging.

So my dad got me this Post Secret book for Christmas (Sami got one too oddly enough), and for those of you who don't know, there's an artist named Frank Warren who basically has people send him their secrets on postcards and he compiles them into art exhibits and books and he has a website. Anyway, when I was going through this book of sometimes lighthearted and often incredibly unsettling secrets people feel the need to confess, one of the ones that hit closest to home was one that said, "IT GETS HARDER TO BE THE GOOD GIRL EVERY DAY." 

Ever since I was a little kid,  some how I always ended up being the "Little Miss Perfect" of my family. I don't really know why, but for some reason I've always just been pretty composed and mature for my age, at least compared to some of my cousins, or at least I'm pretty good at staying out of trouble. I've always resented the way my aunts would set me as an example to my younger and older cousins (sorry May), and I'm sure they've resented it too. Then when I got to high school, other facets of my "good girl" quality began to reveal themselves. As my peers gradually began to develop, I realized that decisions that I had made to keep high standards for myself were decisions that  others made only in the naivete and innocence of childhood. 

I am not ashamed or insecure about what I believe or things that I've chosen not to do; however, I know that I'm not the only one out there who feels like people make inaccurate judgments about who they are or why they are the way they are because they get automatically written off as the "good girl/boy." So I feel the need to clear the air a little bit and tell you what you won't bother trying to understand.

1. GOOD AND BAD ARE NOT BLACK AND WHITE. There is not one right way to live life. Some people may think that being "good" is not having sex before marriage; some people may think that being "good" is not having sex just because you were drunk and he/she was there. Similarly, some people may think that it's never okay to drink, and some may think that's it's perfectly fine just as you don't abuse it or don't get drunk to often. So please, don't assume that just because someone is a "good" girl/boy that they are completely uptight and have no life and never have any fun. At least for me, there is still some definite gray area because some things I know are wrong for me, and other things aren't as clear. Some things I'm tempted to try and some things I will and some things I never will. Some things I have to think about for a long time. Regardless, I'm not perfect. So I would appreciate it if I was treated like a human being, not God.

2. JUST BECAUSE WE DON'T DO IT, DOES NOT MEAN WE JUDGE. To me one of the most frustrating things about being labeled a "good girl" is that people often think that I judge them for their actions. To be honest, I sometimes envy people who do crazy things on a whim and never feel guilty about it. Part of the reason I make certain decisions is because I have a very hostile conscience that doesn't allow me to get away with hardly any sin without intense guilt and anxiety, so most of the time it's just not worth it to suffer those consequences. Honestly, I would never want somebody telling me how to live my life so I would never say anything to you unless you asked what it is that makes me happy. A lot of people in my life have avoided me because they assume that I won't approve of things they do, and I can't tell you how frustrating that is because I have never stopped loving anyone just because of differences we have. Yeah, if you ask me whether or not I think it's a good idea to do something dangerous, I'll tell you that it's probably not a good idea, but will I condemn you when you tell me the story? HELL NO. Some of the people I love most in life have done things that I will probably never do or that I'm trying really hard not to do, and I don't love them just in spite of it, I love them because I see who they are. So see who I am too.

3. ON A FURTHER NOTE, DO NOT ASSUME THAT WE ARE SCARED OR DON'T KNOW WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO. Another thing that bothers me is that people assume that I don't do something because I'm afraid to try it or something. There actually have been things that I have tried and have decided not to continue doing simply because I do not have the desire. Some things that are fun to others are not fun to me, and some things are, but I still decide not to do them because I have other priorities. There are some people that make the decision not to drink because they saw how destructive it was to someone close to them or their family. Some people try to hold off sex, not because they are prudes who only do things because they're told to, but because they've seen how the consequences can change someone's life and try to learn from that. Different experiences affect people in different ways. Accordingly, I feel like people sometimes think that I believe things that I believe just because my parents told me to and assume that I haven't actually thought for myself. In reality, I think probably too much so trust that if I say something, I have probably confirmed it in my head several times, unless I say otherwise.

4. YOU KNOW HOW MODELS CLAIM THAT THEY DO PHOTOSHOOTS FOR PLAYBOY SO THAT THEIR KIDS WILL KNOW THAT THEIR MOM USED TO BE HOT? This is kind of ridiculous, but I have been in a relationship for awhile, and I'm a pretty great girlfriend so you will never see me flirting with anybody except my boyfriend unless I'm trying to get some kind of discount. So just because you've never see me do my thing, does not mean I have always been this cold and does not mean that I have always been only the "sister" type. I worked my magic and got what I wanted so there's no reason for you to ever see that again, but for the record, just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it isn't there. +]

5. SOMETIMES I'M NOT TRYING TO CORRECT YOU, I JUST WANT TO BE RESPECTED. Ok this may only apply to me, but sometimes I will say something to a guy if he's cussing around me. That's not because I'm uptight and don't like hearing the words. In fact, I don't even really care that much, I just feel that guys in particular should know how to treat women like ladies. I have so much respect for guys that are on their best behavior in front of girls because it shows respect. Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, and I will only let a man be king in my life if he does so. 

6. WE ARE NOT BORING. Like I said before, I'm not insecure in any way about the way I live my life, but I'll be honest when I say that I don't like the idea of people thinking that I'm not living my life to the fullest. This is my belief that explains everything I do: I believe that everything that we will ever need to make us happy God has already put within our reach. 

This is important, and it only really hit me when I was driving back from the gym tonight. Deep breaths. Taking a deep breath can bring you so many things for which people often go to therapy. Taking deep breaths tonight helped restore my sense of clarity when I felt lightheaded. There have been other times when it has brought me peace when I felt angry and strength when I felt nervous or unsure of myself. The things that make life worth living are love and passion and beauty. You find love by giving part of yourself to another person and sharing what's best in each other. You find passion by using the gifts that God has given you to make your life more interesting. You can find beauty just by looking at the world that surrounds you. What makes people beautiful is confidence which they find by appreciating themselves, not in products or wealth. What makes a woman stand out in a room is poise and the kind of sincerity and enthusiasm in her smile that just cannot be bought. My philosophy is that you should never have to buy anything to make you happy. Maybe that's just easy for me because I happen to not find much satisfaction in liquor or designer drugs and because I know that there will always be something in a magazine that I will never own. My point is that what I'm doing leaves me content at the end of every day, even when I'm heartbroken or disappointed or stressed or alone because I always know that God's gifts are endless.

Anyway, give the "good kids" a break. We don't want to hurt anybody. We don't hate you. We're not necessarily stuck up or intentionally condescending. We're just doing our thing just like you are. So let us live in this world too, and feel free to let me be your friend.

Regret

Sami: I'll be completely honest here, because I understand what regret can do to you, I've spent a lot of time in the past regretting things that I've done. Whether it's something small like saying something stupid to the guy you like or something big like making a mistake that hurt a lot of people. I've had my fair share of sleepless nights thinking of how things would have turned out if I had done things differently. So I can confidently say that regret is a waste of time. Regret digs at you so intensely sometimes that it actually hinders your day to day life, and frankly that's no way to live. I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason and that everything will turn out okay. So let it go and try to move past your regret and move on to tomorrow. Stop thinking of how things would have turned out and concentrate on the present. I know this advice is not so easy to take, but take it from a girl who is an expert of regretting the past, your life will be so much better if you let it go, learn from it and move on. You cant change the past, nothing will be able to do that.

Alex: The only thing I can add onto that is that once you move on, remember to take into consideration what consequences you or others might suffer before you make any rash decisions. Something that may seem fun at first may be soooo not worth it after you see all the damage it does.

Playing the Game of Love

Alex sucks at the game of love.

I think we'd all agree that love is wonderful and, well, lovely. I don't know anybody that doesn't like being adored by someone and getting butterflies and being kissed. However, any of us that have ever flirted, dated or actually been in a relationship could also agree that it's not always pure joy and keeping it going is a lot trickier than getting it started. The fact is that both parties in a relationship have to survive so what ends up happening is that the relationship turns into a big game of balancing power, giving and taking, and struggling to maintain the happiness of your partner while also managing your own dignity. 

Although all the pleasurable parts of the relationship often make this struggle worth it, the truth is that throughout the game there's always somebody winning and somebody losing. You might be trying so hard to show your partner that you care and make them appreciate you that you end up giving way more than he/she is. Then it'll probably switch, but after a certain point, especially after you get really comfortable in the relationship where one or both parties feel like they don't need to give as much, leaving at least one person feeling unloved and unappreciated. That's when you start getting in fights.

Another way this comes up is in the pursuit of a relationship. We base dating on rules. There are always people who play hard to get, who have a specific amount of time to wait before they call, and who don't kiss until the third date. Why do you think we do that? To avoid rejection or coming off too desperate, to stimulate desire and to protect our dignity. If we decide to get into a relationship we know there's a risk of getting hurt, so there's no way we're going to put ourselves in that position without a fight. We make the people we care about work to convince ourselves that we're not as vulnerable.

When is the game over? Does it happen after a K.O. or after somebody gets the high score? Is there a way to get on the same team? If you forfeit does that mean both sides get back on their buses and never see each other again? Is there a way for both teams to win?

HELP ME!!! I need answers...

PS I just responded to a comment left by "anonymous"  on September 17 on "If you can't get someone off your mind, are they really supposed to be there?" Sorry for the delay!!

We miss people who know us!

Alex and Sami miss our Fantastic Four!

(*SO I know we were supposed to start posting every day, but I mean we're busy people so yeah that might not work. Hey we tried though! And now you know when you read something, it'll actually be about something worth reading!)

So Sami and I were talking about it today, and we're starting to miss the close group of friends that we had in high school. I mean obviously when you go away to school you miss your family, friends, your TV with 900 channels, home-cooked meals, and probably your bed, but we're not talking about just being homesick.

When you go to college, it's not hard to make friends because you're surrounded by peers that are all trying to make friends of their own. That's not the hard part. The difficult part is that unlike your friends from high school that have probably known you for a really long time (Sami, Kristen, Ashley, and I have known each other since at least 3rd grade), these new friends know nothing about you. So even once you get past the small talk, they still don't know about all the relationships you've been in and what's so great about your boyfriend; they don't know why you have certain views or the reasons for certain things you do or don't do; they missed out on a whole lifetime, and while that doesn't mean that they can't be good friends in the future, explaining who you are to people constantly gets old after awhile.

We miss having people to go to around whom we can be ourselves and who understand our weird senses of humor and sarcasm and who don't get annoyed when you say something dumb and who don't judge you when they disagree with you. We never had drama. We never got in fights. We never had to try to get each other to like us. 

I have people I can talk to about stuff here, but it takes time to establish a relationship where you feel like you can really say anything to someone. Those relationships have to be built and earned. Sami and I were spoiled by having such good friends. I'm sure eventually we'll have those kinds of friendships at school, but for now, it seems hard for anyone to fill the shoes of our best friends.

The good part is that when we go home, it feels like we never left. Everything just goes back to normal.

Gone fishing...

Alex is kinda depressed YET SO EXCITED!!

Let me start off with why I'm feeling slightly blue: Matt has gone fishing with his grandpa and shall not return until MONDAY!!!! Now for some reason I've already been missing Matt even more than usual this week, and NOW, to have to wait until MONDAY is almost unbearable. I just have to remind myself that Matt's grandpa would also enjoy some quality time so it's not really fair to him that I constantly steal him. But did I mention that I ALSO WON'T BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE HE HAS NO RECEPTION?!! Agony. Utter agony. But, in the words of Smokey Robinson, you've got to pay some agony for the ecstasy. (For the ecstasy!)

On a lighter note, I have plenty of things to look forward to this weekend, particularly tomorrow. FIRST, I'm seeing HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 at midnight with my girls!!!!!! Secondly, I'm coming back for the Homecoming game tomorrow at Maranatha, and hopefully my brother will play during JV. THEN,  I'm coming back in time for Madness at Midnight!!!! Yayyy I'm so excited to watch Jarred dance! haha. 

Then sadly I have to miss the dance afterward because I have to work from 12-4. But best believe that I will be watching the OC all night to kill time!

Have a splendid Friday! And check back on Saturday to see if I've made it two days without Matt!

A Little More Personal

So our post have been pretty lighthearted and fun lately so I'm going to turn the tables a little and get a little more serious. My question for tonight is when a relationship just isn't working out when is it time to end it? 

Lately I've seen a lot of stable and solid relationship crumble under the pressure of recently going off to college. Even when distance isn't a problem, relationships are slowly, but surely falling apart. Maybe its just the pressure of being in a new place, doing new things, but it seems to me that things just aren't working out. Maybe its just because were growing up, becoming more mature, maybe its just because our relationship has gotten tedious, whatever the reason we know that something has to change, so whens the right time to end things? Should we end it now so that we can both go our separate ways, or should we try to work things out? It seems like a shame to put an end you tried so hard to work out but what about when you know it just isn't going anywhere? Does anyone have any suggestions? anything at all? Give it another go? or let it die?

Anyone else in the same situations?

I lost my hair virginity and I'm not ashamed to say it!

Alex popped her hair cherry with a Brazilian Blowout.

So last week when I was home, my mom convinced me to let her test this process called a Brazilian Blowout on my hair. As many of you may have noticed by my recent switch from long locks to a curly bob, I am not afraid to experiment in my youth. I mean I'm not really interested in experimenting with substances or my sexuality or anything so I figure clothes and hair will suffice. 

Anyway, it's supposed to make your hair shinier and more tame so my mom told me it'd probably make my hair a little straighter. It basically just loosened my curls a little bit. It's cool to get to try out new hair for awhile. I know it's sad. I miss my little springs of joy too, but they'll be back in 4-6 weeks, and I'll be back to rocking them like I was born to do. 

Moral of the story: Don't be afraid to take some chances. I mean you're young, you have a whole life to live. And ps I'm talking like non-life-threatening things like a hair cut not like seeing how long you can go eating only chocolate chip cookies.

PS I know it kinda still looks the same, but it FEELS different.

That Thing You Do

Aww: Sami and Alex are weak in the knees.

SO. As you all know, Sami and I love guys. Well, I mean sometimes we hate them, but ultimately we just can't get enough. Let's be honest though. Who doesn't relish in encounters with the opposite sex? We all love those butterflies, those chills, those tingly feelings in your toes, but maybe we all get them for different reasons. 

We want you guys to share with us those things that guys or girls do that give you a rush (not terribly dirty things btw), and we might just add them to our page! First we'll show you ours...

Alex loves it when a guy...

-holds my face when he kisses me.

-gets really intense when he watches/talks about football.

-sings along to the radio or hums when he's walking to class.

-strives to make himself better.

-pins me against a wall or something to surprise me with a kiss.

Sami loves it when a guy...

-gives me intense eye contact with a sly smile

-grabs my hand when were walking down the street

-slows down when were walking in a group of people so we can be by ourselves

-buys me chocolate when I'm in a bad mood

-watches sex and the city with me

- lets me drive his car, when he knows how awful i am

Guys will be guys...

Attention: Sami and Alex are annoyed.

Alex: So I was watching The Hills the other day, and something hit me. [SPOILER ALERT] LC was out of town for work, and while she was gone Stephanie went to Audrina and asked her if she thought it would be ok if she went out on a date with Doug. For those of you who don't know, Doug and Lauren went to prom together in high school (no it was not on Laguna Beach, idk why), and they had recently dated, and if that weren't enough, Lauren refers to him by "her Doug."

     Now I don't think I need to go over this because it's a pretty well-accepted concept, but there is this rule that girls have, and it is one that is never to be broken. It is a taboo that is almost an automatic friendship deal-breaker. This rule is that, as a friend, you can never date, hook-up with, or even like someone that your friend has history with. Over time, with permission and absolute certainty that your friend has completely moved on from this person, it might eventually be ok to pursue something if you absolutely must...but in this case it was not.                 Stephanie went out on a date with Doug TWICE while Lauren was gone, and then tried to act like she didn't really do anything and it was all Doug's fault. Here's my point: One of LC's best friends, Brody, had already warned her that Stephanie was untrustworthy, and when Brody confronted Lauren with the truth about She-Pratt and Doug, he blamed it all on Stephanie. When Lauren suggested that Doug should take some of the blame as well, Brody merely responded that, "Guys will be guys."

WHAT?! HOW COME GUYS CAN BE GUYS AND GIRLS ALWAYS TAKE THE HEAT FOR DOING THE SAME THINGS?? I mean obviously in this situation, Stephanie was in the wrong, but so was Doug.

Sami: So when Alex came to me and was saying how she thought this would be a good topic to discuss I was ALL for it, because it just so happened that I had had a similar situation happen to me, not the whole dating a friends guy (I've been there too and trust me its not worth it at all) this was a different situation in which the commonly used phrase "boys will be boys" was seriously overused and it realllly struck a nerve with me. So heres the rundown:  a few weekends ago I did something that wasn't very smart on my part, and I admit that it was selfish and really stupid act but I fessed up and told someone that I really care about what happened and even went as far as to express remorse for my actions, and by the way I did feel bad but not entirely that bad,  so this person that I care about freaked out and I mean seriously freaked out. He told me I was naive and dumb, and wasn't thinking, and I agreed, I thought that what I did wasn't the smartest thing I could have done, but at least  acknowleged that what I did was wrong on my part. but I held my tongue, even though he had done what I did before and even to some degrees did something that was far worst. I tried to let go of the fact that he was setting me to unfair standards because I knew that he really only wanted me to be safe. So he calls me a few days later, to tell me that he just did something that was 100% worst than what I did, so naturally I expect him to express regret and remorse for his actions, but does he? OF COURSE NOT! so obviously I give him the same speech he gave me, you were dumb, how could you be so stupid, and then he proceeds to tell me that I have no reason to be upset and that he can take care of himself and... wait for this one... he can do it because HES A GUY... I'm not even kidding, he actually said that, so clearly I hung up on him and proceeded to dodge his calls for the next few hours. so please explain to my why guys feel the need to act very stupidly and then use to the excuse that they are guys so they have an excuse, I mean come on? do you seriously believe that just because you happen to have different sexual organs that your actually aloud to use that as an excuse for acting like an idiot. I really am curious though, do guys actually believe that they have an excuse to act insanely dumb and not have to feel any remorse for it?

Alex again: And on that note! Why is it that guys get to use this same excuse when it comes to physical activity?? I mean I don't know how many times I've heard, "I can't help it. I'm a guy." Guys claim that they have less self-control so it's therefore our responsibility as girls to draw the lines and stop when things go to far, AS IF WE WANT TO. 

I think it's all a cop out. 

Anyway somebody help us out here, especially if you're a guy, but if you're a girl who's been in this situation or has some perspective let us know too.

Girl Meets World: The College Days

Weee'rreeeee baaaaack!!!: Alex & Sami are learning to adjust the life as a college student.

Hey it's Alex! I know...it's been awhile...but that's just because Sami and I have been going through this long transition into college life. And now that we've kind of gotten settled, we're ready to touch base with you guys and share our experiences thus far.

TOP 3 THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT HAVE CHANGED THE MOST SINCE COLLEGE

1. Social Life: One of the most exhilarating things about college is not having to ask your parents when you want to do something...unless it involves a large sum of money. There are also tons of new people around you that are all eager to make new friends so there's always plenty to do. For me it was the first time I really felt like I could have whatever kind of life I wanted. It figures that it's similar to what I had before. I split my free time between my man and a core group of friends. At this point my group isn't like Sami, Kristen, Ashley and I were in high school because we've only been in school a month and haven't known each other for like a lifetime. Another huge difference is that I have a lot more free time to do things like watch TV, read magazines, and color pictures of panda bears, yes panda bears. 

*And about the whole partying thing...yes there are plenty of parties to go to during the weekends and often during the week, but if you don't want to go it's not a big deal. Or if you just want to go to them sometimes, whenever you don't there are always plenty of other things to do. So if you're not into that kind of thing don't stress about it. I go to what I can when I feel like it and hang out with my boy or people around my dorm when I don't. Or I just watch TV.

2. School: One of my favorite things about college is actually the getting an education part! I love my school (Loyola Marymount University GO LIONS), and I actually enjoy learning! The biggest difference from high school is that your classes typically revolve around your major so for the most part you're taking classes in subjects you like. I'm a Communication Studies major (hopefully I'll be switching to Film Production next semester), and yeah I'll have to take math next semester and two semesters of science, but my other classes are awesome. Here's my schedule:

-Intro to Choreography

-Philosophy of the Human Nature

-Intro to Public Speaking

-Young America

-Intro to Drama (Literature)

And I like all of those! Not to mention right now I don't even have that much homework. It might depend on your major and just different teachers you have because I have friends that have a lot more than me. (Oh and NOTE TO AP STUDENTS THAT THINK AP CLASSES ARE WORTHLESS- Getting a 4 on my AP English Language test got me out of my College Writing class which is what carries the bulk of every other freshman's course load at my school. So take AP classes and take the tests!) Anyway I actually like doing the homework for these classes too, like the reading is really interesting and yeah.

LOVE: This is important! So the general consensus about starting college is that you should break up with your significant other. People say this because long distance relationships are difficult to manage and because they think it's harder to meet people with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And while I see their point, I think it's stupid. There is not one right way to have a good college experience just like there's not one right way to have a good high school experience or life in general. Long distance relationships can be trying because you're used to seeing them every day and you probably can't now, but the success of the relationship depends both on the distance and the commit of both parties. Personally, I can see who I want to see within about 45 minutes so it's not too much of a sacrifice if I want to see him once or twice a week. Sami can tell you more about her experience too, but I can make my relationship work. On top of that, you are living with your peers so there is always enough time to socialize. I can understand not wanting to be that girl or guy who's on the phone with their boo when everyone else is out partying, but yeah you could just call before you go to the party. Like I said before, I have way more free time than I ever did in high school so I have no problem juggling a boyfriend with my social life and school work.

*And just in case you were wondering....yes, Sami and I still talk all the time!

Ahh! we haven't done one of these things in a while, it feels good to be back! okay so here are my top three things that have changed the most in college

1. SOCIAL LIFE: my number one would defiantly have to be the same as Alex's, your social life changes drastically in college. I think it might be because you're living with a bunch of young adults with absolutly NO supervision, we can basically get away with anything we want here, well at my school at least. I LOVE not having to tell my parents where I am or when I'm going to be back. you meet so many cool new people in college, and there is anyways something to do, rarely are you going to find yourself with nothing to do on a friday or saturday night. I'm completely loving my social life at the moment, I feel so free and being in a city (San Francisco) I can either going to a party or go to a concert or go out to dinner, there are so many options, i mean  think that I would get sick of the whole party scene if that was the only thing to do, so I'm loving it. I think another big thing is the friends that you make, I was super spoiled and had the most amazing group of friends back home, they know me better than anyone, so meeting new people and making new friends was super weird at first, but once you get past that it feels like I'm a camp, awkward stage you meet some amazing people. the people on your floor will become like your family, I'm lucky because I love my roommate and I hang out with her like all the time, but I've met some amazing people, and you meet new people everyday! I also love having people right down the hall that i can go hang out with whenever, things are so much easier when your friends live right down the hall.

2. SCHOOL: so this is the main reason that I'm going to college, to get an education, but its weird classes take up such a small amount of your day, and I rarely have homework, but I'm absolutly loving my classes right now! its probably because I'm taking classes that I'm actually interested in, but even my core classes are super interesting. I feel like I've learned so much more in the past month than I did in high school. and I really don't have that much homework, i mean i have a ton more reading and more papers but its no big deal. I love that I only have classes for like 4 hours a day, and I'm super lucky because I don't have any classes on fridays, so three day weekends for me! i thought that classes were going to be super scary and intimidating but they're not at all!

*Note from Alex: If you can get a schedule like Sami's, DO IT!! I'm so jealous that she has three-day weekends and I'm not done with classes till 3 on Fridays. 

3. LOVE: okay well... hmm... this is an interesting topic, and Alex and I probably aren't the best people to be talking, because we, well I did for sure, kinda mess things up recently... but heres my advice: decide before you leave what you and your significant other are going to be, whether that is together or not, decide before you leave, because things get sticky when you break up and then decide once your gone that you still want to be together, it probably wont work out. I mean I've always been the first person to say that staying with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend is lame and a bad idea, but I mean if you think you can make it work then go for it! just be cautious because mistake do happen, expecially when they are all the way across the country and your not completely sober... so be aware that things may happen. 

So basically I'm loving college, you have more freedom, more free time, there are more people, its just all around a good experience!

The Choices You Make Now

Alex is in more than just distress...more like total utter depression.

Today in class, one of my teachers told us how the choices we make now will have an affect on the rest of our lives. Each step we take determines how the rest of our life turns out.

About a month and a half ago I made the worst decision I've ever made. I knew it was wrong, but for once I wanted to do the wrong thing. I felt like I was entitled to do it after all the pain I'd endured. Afterward I realized that I'm just not the kind of person that's cut out for sin. I can't enjoy it, and I certainly can't live with it. As if that wasn't enough to deal with, that one action would be the one that would change my life forever. The one thing that really really mattered to me was ruined forever because of this one decision. I still can't for the life of me figure out why I did it when I knew the consequences would be so treacherous. Why????

When we were kids we made mistakes constantly. We refused to brush our teeth, we bit our little sisters, we pooped in the bath tub. Then when our parents found out we got in trouble. We were put on timeout; we got spankings; we couldn't watch TV for a week, but not much more than that. Our parents would get mad, but in the end they just wanted to teach you a lesson; you had no doubt that they would still love you no matter what you did. Growing up the punishments may have gotten a little worse and meant a little more to you, but they were still merely a lesson of what kinds of consequences would come once you stepped out into the real world. 

Now I'm 18, and I'm starting to realize that my actions weigh a lot heavier than they once did, and somehow it's also because of my age. Now if you say the wrong thing to your professor or even a peer, you lose a networking connection. If people find out you did something wrong, it'll stay with you for the rest of your life. If you make a mistake and hurt someone you're in a relationship with, you ruin the chance you had at a meaningful relationship that may have lasted a lifetime. Not only do your mistakes count, but the decisions you make to take certain jobs or join certain organizations can effect where you end up in life. Not to mention that the food you eat can now drastically determine the physical shape of your body that can be difficult to overcome later in life. This realization is daunting, and the sad thing is that I had to learn the hard way. 

The thing I have yet to discover is if life often gives you second chances. I hope I find out soon...

Lessons we learned from the boys that schooled us

Graduation: Looking back, Sami and I have actually learned a lot from our various experiences with the opposite sex.



So I mean obviously Sami and I have lives, that often involve relationships with boys. And with both of us being 18 now, it seems as though we've finally come to a place where we can look back at our experiences and feel like we've grown and actually learned from them.


So here's a thought, let's pass the wealth on to you by telling you all the juicy, dirty details about every boy we've ever gotten involved with. AND we're gonna give you the highlights and disappointments about all the guys!!! Yeah you better hope you're not on this list because YOU WILL BE SHAMED!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


Just kidding. We're not that cruel even though half of these guys do more or less deserve it. The way we're going to do this is to go through all of our experiences/relationships and describe them using fake names and by being vague enough so you won't be able to guess who we're talking about unless you know us really well or you're one of the guys we're talking about. (BTW if you're one of these guys and you feel like we're revealing too much, sorry deal with it. You had it coming. Karma's a b****. And I doubt anyone else will know we're talking about you anyway.) We're also going to mix up our experiences so you don't know who was with what boy or the chronology of how they occurred in our lives. This is going to be very interesting...so listen up!

Wall of Fame, Shame, Games, and Lame

Mickey: Mickey was the biggest mistake I've ever made. He was basically just a distraction I was using to get over another guy, but rebounds can be very tricky. Things moved really quickly with him, and before I knew it, he was telling people I was his girlfriend. Then he told me he loved me, and we had only been "dating" for like a couple weeks. I also had to sneak around to see him because my mom thought I had been dating too many guys recently. (If there's one thing I could pass along to anyone still in high school, it is to listen to the advice your mother gives you because mine has been right like 92% of the time.) Anyway, it didn't take long for me to learn that he was as desperate as I was. Anyone who tells you they love you after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks is desperate (unless it's love at first sight I guess). This became very apparent to me after hearing that, a couple weeks after we'd "broken up," he started dating someone that he told me was annoying.


Highlight: Knew how to express his emotions
Disappointment: Too eager and too fast


Stanley: Oh God. Stanley started out as a casual whatever... okay well we said it was that but to be honest not so much, we connected on a deeper level, but we could never make it work, when I wanted something more he wasn't ready, when he wanted something more I was "afraid of commitment." For a long time I thought that we would eventually work it out that eventually we would both want the same thing at the same time, but I think that both of us had had enough of going back and forth, but whenever I thought it was over between us he would come back to me or I to him, he was always there, and we felt comfortable with each other. We went through a lot with each other, he's the one guy that I trusted with all of me with. I did some things, that I regretted for a long time, with Stanley, but I think that he taught me more about myself than anything. He showed me that I didn't need someone to be happy and he gave me the needed self confidence boost every once in a while. For a long time I resented the fact that he used me, but on some level, I think I used him too. Oh and I learned NOT to believe a guy, that has a pretty shady history of lying, when he says that him and his girlfriend broke up, more likely than not, he's trying to play you.


Highlight: fun/funny

Disappointment: biggest jerk ever

Hal: Hal came along at a time when I really didn't know how to control my life. He was one of my best friends and when he asked me out, I said yes just because I didn't know what else to do. It wasn't absolutely terrible because at least I liked him as a friend, but here's the lesson I learned from Hal: if you're going to take yourself off the market for someone, it better be somebody you really like or else you're just wasting your time.

Highlight: very sweet
Disappointment: nervous in person


Ted: Ted, Ted, Ted. Ted was definitely one of the best looking guys I've ever dated, but there was a catch to that...a reputation. Let's just say that this time my mom wasn't the only one telling me not to go there, but I did anyway. Why, you ask? Because he said all of the right things and got me to believe every word of them. He even got me to believe that he was willing to change his ways for me...WRONG!!! So we dated for awhile and it was definitely fun. Then it started occuring to me that his lines were recycled and the games he played with me were very deliberate. We ended up breaking up once it was clear how shallow and devious he actually was. It was the first time I actually had to fight to make sure my standards were respected, but he didn't exactly respect them; he actually gave me a dirty ultimatum. Anyway, he taught me that bad boys are fun but still dangerous, and that if I let someone have full control over the relationship then I'd end up getting used and abused.

Highlight: great kisser
Disappointment: too experienced


Charlie/Bobby/Earl: The list can go on... the random flings everyone has...I don't think that anything was wrong about any of my casual hookups/no strings attached/whatever's. I just kinda wish that I hadn't of had so many... because who wants to look back and not remember the guys name that you made out with at beach last summer. (I do remember his name btw)

Highlight: good stories

Disappointment: no disappointments, I didn't know any of them long enough to be disappointed


Herb: Oh Herb. I found Herb at a time in my life when I was really determined to find a perfect guy, and cross my heart he sure seemed pretty perfect. He was good-looking, charming, had great manners, and we had a lot in common. Everything he did just seemed to be something out of a modern-day fairy tale, and we just seemed like a perfect couple. So I went for it and it was great for awhile, but it didn't take me long to realize that we just didn't have that great of chemistry. That was the first time I figured out that you can't choose who you love, and you can't force things to work if they just aren't meant to be.

Highlight: I felt like I finally did something right. He's a really nice guy.
Disappointment: bad breath, cheap

Mitch: Probably the most complicated relationship I have had. Mitch and I progressed way to quickly. We went from just being friends, to more than friends, to right into a relationship, with no stopping to breathe, looking back at it that was probably the biggest mistake we made, we moved to fast. We went straight into a relationship without completley knowing each other. Soon I felt that I could no longer trust him, and thats a hard place to be. Then in happened, the "oh my god I can not believe he did that to me" moment, and we were over. I thought that, that was the last I would see of Mitch, but to much of my friends dismays I went back to him, slowly of course, but shortly after I knew he would never change his ways, until he wanted to and I wasn't going to wait around until he changed. He showed me that while things may seem fun when they're fast and unpredictable, in the end your heart ends up getting broken, and thats not a fun place to be, slow it down, get to know them, you have time, don't rush things. AND stick to your choices, something might seem like it wasn't as big of a deal as you made it out to be but you'll go back to that person and you'll see that they really did break your heart and why would you want to put yourself in that situation again?
Highlight: most down-to-earth/amazing guy I've ever been with

Disappointment: oh I don't know... the whole cheating on me thing comes to mind.

Casper: Honestly, Casper was the first person I ever thought I loved. He was the best guy friend I had ever had and the first person with whom I really felt I could be open. We dated for awhile, but things never really went anywhere. I guess we just got bored after awhile. I really did care about him, but that experience showed me that great relationships don't just happen; you have to work at it and nurture it. That was the first time that I realized being a good girlfriend meant more than just being a pretty girl that your boyfriend was proud to show off.

Highlight: great conversationalist
Disappointment: gave up

Homer: The highlight of Homer was the butterflies he'd give me. He came at a time when I just kind of needed someone to care about me, and he did. He made me feel good, and it was actually one of the longest relationships I've been in. The reason it didn't work out was because we couldn't keep it alive. We couldn't be together enough and just stopped trying. From Homer, I learned that long-distance relationships are not easy. It's hard to be with someone and not be able to see their face all of the time or hold their hand whenever you want.

Highlight: Always smelled good
Disappointment: distance made it kind of boring


Hugo: Hugo was always that guy that seemed so far out of reach, that I could never have, I was young and naive when I get involved with Hugo, it was kinda like in My So Called Life when Angela is in love with Jordan but really doesn't know him, that was Hugo and I, we were great friends and had amazing chemistry but it was always one of those things that seemed like it would never in a thousand years happen, and then it happened, and it was unbelievable, but at the same time not so great, it was like I built up this image of how our first kiss would be in my mind, and when it actually happened it was nothing like my fantasy, I'm sure both of us were disappointed, we remained friends for a long time, but I think we both always wondered what would have happened if we tried again...
Highlight: funny
Disappointment: never really went anywhere

Stanley: (Yes this is the same Stanley as the one previously mentioned. Both of us went there.) For a long time, I regretted ever getting involved with Stanley. It's the one relationship that makes me feel the dumbest. Anyway, I chose to go out with him because at the time we were good friends, and I also had to choose between him and two other guys. I felt forced to choose one of them, but I didn't see that I had the option not to choose at all. I picked him because I felt the most comfortable around him, but that was probably the very thing that broke us up. First of all, let me confess that I shouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place because one of my friends used to like him and, even though she said she was over it, I was still breaking a cardinal rule. Another thing was that Stanley and I differed in our values. There were certain things that I decided to let go because I wanted to be open to different opinions, but he didn't feel the same way. It was pretty apparent that he didn't feel comfortable with our differences, and there were several that added to that. From then on I made a point to take the ideals and values of any guy I wanted to date into consideration because there's just no way around it.

Highlight: funny and gentlemanly on the surface

Disappointment: shallow and cold-hearted

Ricky: defiantly the biggest mistake that I have made in the boy department and the friend department, I will admit that I was probably the worst friend ever when this happen, and I apologize greatly for that. Ricky caught me off guard, we were just friends at first, I swear! but somehow somewhere it turned into something more than that. I thought he was amazing, and I ruin a wonderful friendship because of him, he proved to me many times that he was a complete asshole but time after time I went back and I hurt a lot of people to be with him. Ricky defiantly taught me to ALWAYS put your friends before a guy and NEVER get involved with a guy if he's involved with your best friend. Don't believe guys, thats have lied to you many times, when they say that they're going to change and that your the one for them and don't put all your hope into one guy.
Highlight: good kisser/very experienced

Disappointment: broke my heart

Eli: Eli was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. He proved to me that I was important to him by trying over and over again to be with me. Even after I said no, he came back. I definitely hurt him more than I've hurt anyone else too which is kind of ironic I guess because we both loved each other more than we've ever been loved and hurt each other more than we've ever been hurt. What I learned from Eli is that you just can't plan great things. You don't have to be exactly the same to fit together. He taught me to take risks and pushed me to be spontaneous and adventurous, everything a great love should teach you. Actually what I got the most out of that experience is that sometimes caring for someone else more than you care about yourself is one of the biggest and greatest parts of life but also the scariest. You can never completely depend on someone else to complete you or make you happy because they're not always going to be able to do that for you. And sometimes getting hurt can be soooo worth it if you really allow yourself to get the most out of the relationship. Eli taught me that love is real.

Highlight: Completely honest. Fun. Aggressive but sensitive. Laid-back and lighthearted.
Disappointment: Commitment issues. Not serious enough. Lack of priorities.

We hope you've gotten something out of the experiences we've shared, if nothing but entertainment. Let us know if you've had similar experiences or if one of ours helps you with a situation we're in now. You can also ask us questions about how we managed certain relationships. Or you know, tell us which stories were the most amusing. I don't know. Talk to us!

Oh and btw, if you know who any of these guys are, please don't like share the information. We're attempting to air our dirty laundry in the classiest way possible.

P.S. Sorry for weird formatting if you were annoyed by that. Sometimes this blog has a mind of it's own, and it's beyond my control. ~Alex

HELP: anonymous is seriously in distress

Dear anonymous,

First off let me say thank you for reading our blog! We like to have loyal readers and hope that we can help you in anyway we can! 

Love, SamiandAlex

"I'm 17 years old and i have this fat crush on my soccer coach, he's 21 single and after practice few times a week we have private lessons. I know there's an age difference but i can't get over this crush there are nights i cry myself to sleep because its feelings that i know i cant act upon..should i tell him how i feel or would that just make things awkward? i mean sometimes i feel like he likes me to because there are times our eyes glance at each other for a few moments and he's always smiling when i talk. Please respond? we even text each other its not that flirty usually about soccer but i donno...."

Sami says: Hey anonymous! First you should know that it is completely normal to have feelings for someone that you spend a lot of time with. Now if the only thing that was standing in your way of being with him is the age difference I would say dont let it bother you, plently of relationships work with a large age difference, and he isnt that much older than you, but I'm going to have to say that I think that the age difference isnt what is holding you back. I think that, given the fact that he's your soccer coach, that having any sort of realtionship with him would be wrong. You dont want to strain the realtionship you have right now as teacher and student by telling him how you feel, because I can only see it ending badly for you. You dont want to pour your heart out to him and him blow you off, because that would make being around him extremely akward, and if you do tell him how you feel and he feels the same way, you guys cant really be together because he's your coach. I think that if he has feelings for you than he will come to you, and if he doesn't, maybe you should go look for someone else. I personally think that by telling him that you have feelings for him would be crossing a line, wait it out and see what how he deals with you, if he has feelings for you than he will surely come and talk to you. So maybe for now you should focus on something else, if you need help getting him off your mind let us know and we can give you some pointers. I hope I, in some way, helped you out!

Anybody else have some advice for our anonymous reader? I would love to hear what you guys think of age differences in relationships!

Why being SINGLE doesn't have to be SO SAD

Cheer up!: Life isn't over when you're not in a relationship!

Hey guys! It's Alex, and I have a topic that desperately needs to be addressed.

I've been talking to a lot of people lately, and I've come to the realization that more people that I thought tend to feel incomplete when they're not in a relationship. Whether they've just gotten out of a relationship or if they've been single for awhile, a lot of people seem to feel like they can't be really happy unless they have a significant other. Other than the fact that I just don't want people to be sad, this sense of loneliness and restlessness can provoke even more problems, like rushing into a bad relationship, taking whatever attention you get from the opposite sex, or just being depressed for forever and never attracting healthy, happy people that you actually want.

Before I talk about why you don't have to be pathetic and hopeless when you're single, let me give you my perspective on the subject. There are some people who just always seem to be happy no matter what, even though they never have a girlfriend/boyfriend, and who seem to be apathetic toward the thought of pursuing relationships. I am not one of those people. I mean, I do enjoy my independence. I like being alone sometimes, and I don't feel like I need someone to be around me constantly like some people do. However, the sick twist to that is that I am always craving love. I love being in relationships because I love guys, I love kissing, I love having someone to hang out with all the time, I love having someone to talk to before I fall asleep, and I love falling in love. So when I'm not in a relationship, I'm more bored than anything, but because I'm such a sap, whenever I see a movie or something with a couple falling in love it makes me want to be in love so I get sad if I can't have what the movie couple has. So that's my pathetic little explanation, but beside that I have also been in love, and I know what it's like to fight with the thought of being single once the relationship is dwindling. So here's how I've learned to cope:

While having a boyfriend or girlfriend is definitely a ton of fun because you have somebody to kiss and cuddle with and make you feel good at any time, that doesn't mean being single can't be fun too!

Here's a cheesy little acronym thing (there's a word for this, but I don't know what it is) that explains why being single also has its benefits.

When you're SINGLE, you have the freedom to be...


S- elf-centered.

When you have a significant other, you have an obligation to think of their needs before your own. When you're single, all that matters is what you want. So if your last boyfriend/girlfriend didn't like the same music you like, now's your chance to listen to your heart's desire.

I- ndependent.

Being in a relationship means that a lot of your time is devoted to that person. So many parts of your day revolved around them, and I mean, you just get used to always having a companion everywhere you go, but it's really refreshing to do things by yourself sometimes. Do something you've been wanting to do for a long time but haven't had time to do, or hang out with friends that you had to neglect in order to be with your boy or girl. Bottom line is that now you can do whatever you want without having to answer to anyone or work around their schedule.

N- egligent.

One under-the-radar perk of being single is not having to look good for someone all the time. Like, hello! If you don't feel like shaving for a couple days, you don't have to worry about somebody touching your hairy legs or pits or face! I mean, many girls for example may feel kind of gross going too long without shaving, but guys love being hairy! If you're a guy, grow that nasty thing out as long as you want without having to hear some girl whine about you scratching her or giving her acne! (Yeah I read in a magazine that kissing a guy with stubble can irritate the skin enough to make you break out! That sucks!) And I mean other than shaving, there are other things too like not always dressing to impress, although I'm sure some of you had significant others that said they liked you best when you looked all dirty and nasty and ungroomed (ps they didn't mean it).

G- uilt-free!

Remember how while you were in a relationship, you would get hit on and couldn't go with it because you were trying to be loyal. And maybe for the most part you didn't really check out members of the opposite sex once you were dating someone because you were pretty satisfied with what you had, but every once in awhile you would see somebody and think, "Whoa they're pretty hot! If I was single I'd totally go for it." Well now you can! And even if you're not trying to jump back into a relationship, at least you get to flirt! Flirting is one of the very best parts of being single!

L- earning.

Ok it may sound kind of unappealing, but let's be honest here; when we're in a relationship, we often make our lover priority over like say...school. Of course you probably get things done when you need to, but a lot of time you could have spent putting extra effort into schoolwork and stuff gets neglected by being with your special someone. So get good grades while you have the extra time, and if you're not in school at the time then here's your chance to maybe, I don't know, like read a book or the newspaper or something. Yeah, like I said before it sounds kind of lame, but you'll learn that there are other things going on in the world besides that one person.

E-njoying life!

Not that you don't enjoy life when you're with someone, but there's something about never having to worry about anyone but yourself... I mean unless you're just a nice person +]. You can dress the way you want to dress, flirt with whomever you please, and have secrets. The people you can associate with are unlimited, and so are your activities.


That's what I have to say. How bout you?

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys? (and vice versa)

Today's topic: Inspired by the song Bathwater by No Doubt and life as we know it.

Ok so we have a huge problem. Well it feels huge, but maybe nobody really cares (except for the good boys that were very disturbed at our first post about the seeming nonexistence of nice guys). Anyway, so I've been thinking about it. Why do good girls always fall for bad boys, and why do good boys always fall for bad girls?

Ok let me start by describing the good boy/girl. This person is not necessarily smart, religious, disciplined, or boring in any way. Good "people" just aren't the ones making moves or taking risks so to speak. It's not that their boring, but I mean, we all know who the bad boys and girls are. If you're stroking girls up their leg on the first date or sending dirty text messages to guys after you just met them, you're probably a "bad boy/girl." If you're making any kind of fast moves on the first couple dates, or if you just skip the date in general, you probably belong to this group as well.

BUT the fact of the matter is that good girls and boys secretly crave the excitement that bad "people" bring to their lives. Let's say a good boy asked a good girl out on a date. It's quite possible that the good boy could go on for a very long time without doing much more than hold the girl's hand. This is great of course because we can all appreciate a boy who has some patience and isn't dating you just to get in your pants. However, deep down the good girl knows that she kinda wants somebody to just wanna get in her pants. She wants to be desired and pursued just like any other girl. Maybe she's good enough of a girl to say no anyway, but sometimes it's really just the thought that counts. And I imagine it's pretty much the same for guys; although I don't think I'd be too bold to say that they probably really do want someone to get in their pants. Guys like to be seduced; deep down they're secretly hoping that your date will turn into something they saw on a cheesy adult film (which is highly unlikely, and I'm fully convinced the porn has tainted many relationships because it gives men unrealistic expectations). So when you put two good people together, it's great and safe and they can get married one day and there's completely nothing wrong with it because it's what we all hope we'll find one day, but meanwhile many of us just want to have some fun.

And there's also the whole thing with the underlying hope that good girls and boys will be able to "change" the bad boys and girls, and it's possible, but don't kid yourself. I definitely believe that people can change, but it will not happen if you're encouraging them, and deep down, you know you want them to stay bad.

What do you guys think?

(BTW. I AM NOT DISCRIMINATING AGAINST EITHER BAD BOYS/GIRLS. In fact, you help make the world go 'round.)

Sticky Situation: current crush already has a girlfriend...Ooh no!

So Alex got this from a reader and passed it on to me, because I might have a little more insight into this problem. 

Attention: Cami is defiantly in distress.

"My dilemma is a little twist on that one...lolso there's this guy. i like him a lot, and have liked him for like, 2 years. he has a girlfriend... but he's admitted to me that he likes me, and has liked me for longer than ive liked him, and he feels like he's settling with his girlfriend, but he doesnt want to dump her because he doesnt want to hurt her when she didnt do anything wrong... his exact words were "i really dont see it working out with her long term if i was really honest with myself and there is someone else i would have rather been with..." but he's scared to be alone, and (i'm assuming) he doesnt want to start anything up with me since i'm going away for college and he goes to the university of maryland.what do i say to him?i dont want to tell him to dump her and be with me... although thats kind of what i secretly want, lol...i just dont know what to say to him"

Sami Says: Okay so I was in a very similar situtation not too long ago, so I'll pass along the advice that I have. So what I'm picking up is that you want to tell him to dump this girlfriend of his and go after what he really wants (which I'm assuming is you.) While under normal circumstances I would say go for it! I've always been one to not let anything (or anyone) get in my way, but these aren't normal circumstances, because he is still with his girlfriend. I do think that you should tell him how you feel, if you haven't already, because if he likes you and you like him than he shouldn't still be with this girl, I understand that he is scared to be alone, most people are, but I think that the only way that he's going to break up with this girl is if you tell him how you feel so he knows that he has you. The one thing I would say NOT to do is to tell him to break up with her, he has to make that desicion on his own, because if you tell him to break up with her and it doesn't end of working between you guys, he might end up resenting you and you don't want that AND you don't want to be the "girl who broke them up."

So I know you didn't ask for this but I'm going to throw it in there anyway...

Okay so I don't know exact specifics on the relationship between you guys, so I don't know if something has already happened between, meaning him cheating on his girlfriend, but I'm going to say that its a bad idea to be in that situation. I'll just leave it at that but if anyone else wants to talk about that let us know! But anyways, I don't know this guy but from what I'm hearing, he might not be the most trustworthy guy, and I'm only saying this because clearly he is in to you but he just doesn't have the balls to break up with his current girlfriend, and thats a pretty shitty thing to do. I don't want you to think that I'm trying to preach to you, I'm just a girl who has been in the same exact situation, well... a couple of times, and from my experience it never works out with the guy, right now he's saying that your the one he truly wants but what happens when the next girl comes along, and she's the one for him? It just always seems like a cycle with these guys... but thats not to say that you shouldn't go for him, its obvious that you like him and he likes you, my theory has always been that you have to get a bit messy in life or else how do you know your really living? Just stay a little cautious with him, because i don't like to see fellow damsels getting their heart broken over stupid guys. I guess this has been a kind of round-about way of saying that you should defiantly tell him how you feel and cross your fingers and hope for the best,  don't be afraid to jump into life with a blindfold on!

I Still Believe in Love

Get this: Alex is crazy enough to believe in love.

Like many people perhaps, lately I've been provoked to ponder over the question of whether true love actually exists. It didn't take me long to realize that I think it does, but how can I define it? How does it happen? Can it happen more than once? How do some people live their whole lives without their so-called true love if everyone has a soulmate? It's so easy to be cynical about love and relationships because the majority of the time they aren't working out for us. It seems like we work so hard to find love or, what's even more confusing, to keep it.


Here are two things that got me thinking about this whole love thing.

1. I just saw The Wackness last night. Without giving too much away, it was basically about this kid that just graduated high school who's kind of struggling to see either the "wackness" in life or the "the dopeness" (wackness being bad and dopeness good). Anyway, it was one of those movies that was kind of cynical about love. Then it occured to me that so many people let heartbreak taint their perception of love.

2. The other day we got a response to our post titled, "If someone's stuck in your head, are they really supposed to be there?" and not your normal anonymous said...
does love even exist anymore? i always felt that you only get one love in your life the rest you feel are love but when you meet love face to face you know and thats yur one true love i personally lost my love this is a creul creul world how can a person lose their love how can there be50 year old people single that will never have children because there is no love no one for them when even eharmony doesnt work does love exist? is there any hope?


So here's what I've been thinking...

1. Love is real.
It's kind of hard denying that love is real if you've ever experienced it. The fact of the matter is that it's pretty difficult to find somebody that you really, truly like in the first place enough to want to be around them all the time. Then you find somebody that gets you like no one else has ever gotten you. They laugh at your jokes and don't think you're weird when you say something random. They make you feel more like you than you ever thought you could be. They fill a hole that you never knew was empty. You feel your best when you're around them, and they make you happy to just be alive. Love is a complete and utter miracle. If you ever experience you should consider yourself severely blessed, even if it just kills you in the end. All good things in life come with some element of risk. To enjoy the good you have to be willing to endure the bad, and that's why it sucks, but does anyone really regret ever being in love? You don't because you know that love made your life fuller than it had ever been before, and even if you're going through hell trying to get over it, it was all worth it.

2. I don't believe that we have only one soulmate.
Something that "not your normal anonymous" referred to was the fact that there are people that grow old and die alone basically. Something that has disturbed me for awhile was the thought of my two grandmothers. My grandma on my dad's side was married to my grandpa and was completely in love, and he died before I was born, but she never got remarried. My other grandma got divorced like 30 years ago and has never even dated anyone else as far as I know. So did God only give them one love to have for their entire life? Then what about people that fall in love and get married then get divorced and fall in love with someone else? There are plenty of people who claim to have fallen in love multiple times, so if we have one true love how does that happen? Now I'm probably not an expert on this because I've only been in love one time, but I've come to the conclusion that we can experience true love more than once.
I think that it's a tremendous happenstance to meet someone that you have perfect chemistry with, but just because it doesn't happen a lot doesn't mean that it can't just happen ever once in a blue moon. It's kind of like how you can have different best friends in life. You have one when you're a little kid and then you move away and make a new one or you go away to school, it's probably a little easier to find a best friend because your chemistry doesn't have to be perfect just pretty good, but that only means that it's only a little harder to find someone that you can love. And of course a lot of people probably rolled their eyes when I said that because I make it sound so easy, but think of all the different people you've liked (as in like like) throughout your life. You've been attracted to different kinds of physical appearances, and you've found different kinds of senses of humor amusing, and so on. Just because one thing works doesn't mean it's the only thing that will.

3. Love is still very rare so when you find it DON'T GIVE UP ON IT!
A lot of people stumble upon love at in inoportune moment in their life or at a time when they least expect it so they trivialize it and think, oh it's not right because the time isn't right, but life doesn't work around your plans! It happens when it happens, and you just have to go with it! Just like when you wanted this one class and you didn't get it and you ended up in another class that you totally loved. Or think about when you went for somebody that you thought was perfect for you and they turned out to be less than you expected. My dad always says, "If you want to make God laugh just tell him your plans," and that's so right! Life rarely turns out the way you expected it too, but it doesn't mean that you missed anything. What completely blows my mind is when two people are in love and one of them backs out. Everyone has a different excuse: they're too young to get serious, they want to date around, be free, whatever. Um hello that's like somebody showing up to your door with a pile of cash, a hybrid sportscar and free college education and turning it down because you were expecting the Easter Bunny with a basket full of peeps and plastic eggs filled with candy. That just means you've got your priorities all wrong.

SO THAT'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT LOVE RIGHT NOW...WHAT DO YOU THINK????

P.S. My faith in guys' ability to be non-passive has finally been restored. I know a guy that's actually willing to work to get his girlfriend back. It's not just in movies! There are guys that know that a great girl is hard to find and that who's willing to do whatever it takes to keep them in their lives. I am so impressed and relieved. Good luck MC! +]

How to decipher the attention you're getting from the opposite sex. (For Girls)

Oh snap: Anonymous reader is confused!

So we got another comment from someone whose name remains anonymous asking us for some advice. This is what she said:

"incase you haent notice i am not very good with the guys...so when ever a guy gives me attention i jump on it so..this new guy tht gives me attention is not the nicest person he talks about my body and my figure tht makes me very uncomfortable...all of the comment are complimentary i guess but it still makes me uncomfortable. but i fear tht he is my only chance at some kind of relationship...i need help"

July 4, 2008 7:58 PM

Both Sami and I will give a response to this comment and also some general advice for how to decipher the attention you're getting from the opposite sex.

Alex:

To Anonymous- From what I can tell, this guy isn't the one for you. The reason I think this is because this guy seems to focus mainly on your physical assets and not on your personality. If it's making you feel uncomfortable, I'm assuming he's not saying things like, "You have great skin," or "Is that your natural hair color?" A lot of the time it's hard to figure out if I guy that seems generally nice is actually nice or if he's just trying to charm you into getting with him, BUT in this situation, it's pretty obvious that this guy isn't trying to take you home to his mother...more like the back of his car. While the attention he's giving you may be flattering, he's just saying the same thing outloud that every other guy is thinking; he's just too sick not to let it out. Plus, he might be saying this because he thinks that kind of flattery will get you where he wants you. Bottom line is that if he makes you uncomfortable with the way he looks at you or talks to you, you're not going to get any more comfortable when he thinks it's ok to start feeling you or touching you. Next time he says something you can pick one of these three options: 1. Walk away. 2. Slap the fool. 3. Say something like, "Hey, maybe you can talk like that to the trash you normally get with, if any at all, but I am a quality woman and I settle for nothing less than the best which does not include you and your immature, crude, and perverted way of making yourself feel like the man you definitely are not. Now kindly get out of my face."

EVERYONE ELSE: Being able to determine a guy's intentions by your first impression of him is a crucial skill. There are certain facts that you're going to have to face, and I'll tell you what they are right now:
1. Guys will try to get with you because, honestly, you have boobs and for some reason this intrigues them to no end. So don't think that every guy that talks to you is talking to you because he's interested in a meaningful, long-term relationship.
2. Just because some guys don't say creepy, perverted things does not mean they are not thinking them so don't be mislead.
3. There are some nice guys that want to be friends or actually care about the things you say, and there are some that just don't. Choose the former!

Ok so here are some clues that a guy wants nothing more than your body.
1. That's all he talks about to your face.
2. That's all he talks about to his friends.
3. He told everyone at school that he wants to nail you.
4. He spreads rumors about things you guys have "done."
5. He's not looking at your face when he talks to you.
6. He gives you a really creepy vibe when he looks at you.
7. He has a reputation for being a smooth-talker that know exactly what to say to get a girl to do the dirty. (Even if he says that he's changed and he really cares about you...that's probably what he said to every other girl.)
8. If he touches you in a suggestive way (i.e. grabs/pinches/slaps you butt, grazes/grabs/flicks your boob, gropes you period)

Ok and here are some signs that he actually likes you or values you as a person.
1. When he talks to you, his eyes are on your face or making contact with yours.
2. When you're talking, he looks at you and nods or something to show that he's listening.
3. He asks you questions about yourself.
4. He asks for your opinion about something.
5. Any kind of asking is good period unless he's asking you to bend over and get a pencil or something while he checks you out.
6. He doesn't check out other girls while you're around.
7. He's happy if he makes you laugh or if you affirm something he says or does.
8. If his friends tell you that he really likes you.

Those are possibly the more obvious signs, but still beware of the bad boys posing as nice boys. They usually have a reputation so ask around if you're thinking about giving him a chance. If he's bad news, other girls will be delighted to give you a heads up. Just try not to be naive.

Sami Says:  From what I'm hearing this guy is not what your looking for at all. If you feel uncomfortable with him now, then I doubt that you will feel comfortable with him if you guys were to get together. And if he only talks about your looks and your body, than clearly he isn't very interested in who you are as a person, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you deserve someone who loves you for you, and everything about you, not just your looks, but who you truly are as a person. And you shouldn't just settle for this guy, or any guy, because i highly doubt that this will be your only chance at a relationship, you WILL find someone, you just have to give it time because he will show up, and he will surprise you, but maybe you should stop looking for a while and focus on something else... a hobby always works for me. I starting making clothes when one of my relationships ended, and then Alex and I started this blog when another one didn't go as planned. Maybe you shouldn't put so much energy into finding someone, and let them find you. Love tends to find you when you least expect it. 

The Utter Joy of Being Liberated From the Bonds of Love

HALLELUJAH: ALEX IS NO LONGER A DAMSEL!

So I made a point to try not to discuss my personal life on this blog, but I've made a breakthrough and I think it's important enough to share with you because maybe it can help you too.

Without giving away too many details, let me just say that I have recently put myself in a position to become a victim of my love life. I made myself vulnerable, and I have been struggling to maintain my dignity throughout this situation. Because I still had hope that this situation would end well, I let myself suffer for the sake of the relationship.

Today something miraculous happened. An old friend texted me randomly. We talked for awhile and by the end of the day, I started getting really stressed out about my state of mind toward my relationship. While I was at the gym I started praying to God for strength and peace that I haven't felt since before I was in this situation. After I got back, I really felt like venting to my friend just because I wanted an unbiased, objective opinion. I didn't even really think about what he would say; I just really needed to get some stuff out. Then he proceeded to give me some of the best and most honest advice I've probably ever been given, or maybe just because it was the right words and the right time from the right person. Here's what my answered prayer helped me to understand:

Despite the way I've been treating myself, I'm actually a very confident person. It's not like I think I'm the hottest thing around; I just value myself enough to know that I deserve the best. Anyway, lately I've been sacrificing what's best for me for what's best for another person, which of course is something you should be willing to do if you love someone. However, doing this for months has turned me into one of those dumb girls on TV who I pity and despise for not having a backbone. People kept telling me that I deserve better, but I was thinking of better in terms of the guy, and I know that he is a really great guy so I just dismissed their advice because I wasn't willing to sacrifice him. Then tonight my friend somehow finally made me get it.
-People aren't too good for other people, but we're all too good to be treated poorly.-
If I was in the same situation with a guy I knew was bad I would've gotten out of it immediately, but because I was waiting for my good boy I was blinded into thinking that he was worth what I was putting myself through. And whether or not that's true, if I keep doing this, he'll never remember what I'm really worth because I'm making myself nothing.

As long as we're sitting around waiting for our Knight in Shining Armor we'll always be a Damsel in Distress. I don't want to spend my life waiting up in a tower to be saved. I'm gonna free myself and live my life. You have to be the hero in your own story for at least the majority of the plot.

Moral of my story: If you love someone, don't make it too easy for them to win your affection. Make them fight and they'll know that to have the best they have to give their best. Never settle for less.

Thank you God. Thank you Trevor Finchamp.