I think we'd all agree that love is wonderful and, well, lovely. I don't know anybody that doesn't like being adored by someone and getting butterflies and being kissed. However, any of us that have ever flirted, dated or actually been in a relationship could also agree that it's not always pure joy and keeping it going is a lot trickier than getting it started. The fact is that both parties in a relationship have to survive so what ends up happening is that the relationship turns into a big game of balancing power, giving and taking, and struggling to maintain the happiness of your partner while also managing your own dignity.
Although all the pleasurable parts of the relationship often make this struggle worth it, the truth is that throughout the game there's always somebody winning and somebody losing. You might be trying so hard to show your partner that you care and make them appreciate you that you end up giving way more than he/she is. Then it'll probably switch, but after a certain point, especially after you get really comfortable in the relationship where one or both parties feel like they don't need to give as much, leaving at least one person feeling unloved and unappreciated. That's when you start getting in fights.
Another way this comes up is in the pursuit of a relationship. We base dating on rules. There are always people who play hard to get, who have a specific amount of time to wait before they call, and who don't kiss until the third date. Why do you think we do that? To avoid rejection or coming off too desperate, to stimulate desire and to protect our dignity. If we decide to get into a relationship we know there's a risk of getting hurt, so there's no way we're going to put ourselves in that position without a fight. We make the people we care about work to convince ourselves that we're not as vulnerable.
When is the game over? Does it happen after a K.O. or after somebody gets the high score? Is there a way to get on the same team? If you forfeit does that mean both sides get back on their buses and never see each other again? Is there a way for both teams to win?
HELP ME!!! I need answers...
PS I just responded to a comment left by "anonymous" on September 17 on "If you can't get someone off your mind, are they really supposed to be there?" Sorry for the delay!!
5 comments:
There is a way for both teams to win. Being comfortable enough with each other to the point where you don't need to think about things like waiting a certain amount of time to call back or whatever is perfect. The more communication the better. Your only out of the fight if you say you are! We over-analyze these things too much...all of us. It's so much easier if it(flirting etc) comes more naturally, and if it doesn't come naturally with one person, he/she isn't for you. Kinda ties in with the ""being yourself" thing. This is kinda a hard subject to comment on haha
yeah no kidding. it's a hard subject period. but very insightful and helpful actually. thanks doc!
In a relationship, both parties become servants to each other. The biggest challenge in any relationship is complacency. Good Luck!
i feel as though becoming comfortable in a relationship is okay, it's when one or both partners become so comfortable with themselves that they lose sight of the other person that is involved in the relationship. "We make the people we care about work to convince ourselves that we're not as venerable." BrilLiantly said.
thank you tracey! and i totally agree!
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