So my dad got me this Post Secret book for Christmas (Sami got one too oddly enough), and for those of you who don't know, there's an artist named Frank Warren who basically has people send him their secrets on postcards and he compiles them into art exhibits and books and he has a website. Anyway, when I was going through this book of sometimes lighthearted and often incredibly unsettling secrets people feel the need to confess, one of the ones that hit closest to home was one that said, "IT GETS HARDER TO BE THE GOOD GIRL EVERY DAY."
Ever since I was a little kid, some how I always ended up being the "Little Miss Perfect" of my family. I don't really know why, but for some reason I've always just been pretty composed and mature for my age, at least compared to some of my cousins, or at least I'm pretty good at staying out of trouble. I've always resented the way my aunts would set me as an example to my younger and older cousins (sorry May), and I'm sure they've resented it too. Then when I got to high school, other facets of my "good girl" quality began to reveal themselves. As my peers gradually began to develop, I realized that decisions that I had made to keep high standards for myself were decisions that others made only in the naivete and innocence of childhood.
I am not ashamed or insecure about what I believe or things that I've chosen not to do; however, I know that I'm not the only one out there who feels like people make inaccurate judgments about who they are or why they are the way they are because they get automatically written off as the "good girl/boy." So I feel the need to clear the air a little bit and tell you what you won't bother trying to understand.
1. GOOD AND BAD ARE NOT BLACK AND WHITE. There is not one right way to live life. Some people may think that being "good" is not having sex before marriage; some people may think that being "good" is not having sex just because you were drunk and he/she was there. Similarly, some people may think that it's never okay to drink, and some may think that's it's perfectly fine just as you don't abuse it or don't get drunk to often. So please, don't assume that just because someone is a "good" girl/boy that they are completely uptight and have no life and never have any fun. At least for me, there is still some definite gray area because some things I know are wrong for me, and other things aren't as clear. Some things I'm tempted to try and some things I will and some things I never will. Some things I have to think about for a long time. Regardless, I'm not perfect. So I would appreciate it if I was treated like a human being, not God.
2. JUST BECAUSE WE DON'T DO IT, DOES NOT MEAN WE JUDGE. To me one of the most frustrating things about being labeled a "good girl" is that people often think that I judge them for their actions. To be honest, I sometimes envy people who do crazy things on a whim and never feel guilty about it. Part of the reason I make certain decisions is because I have a very hostile conscience that doesn't allow me to get away with hardly any sin without intense guilt and anxiety, so most of the time it's just not worth it to suffer those consequences. Honestly, I would never want somebody telling me how to live my life so I would never say anything to you unless you asked what it is that makes me happy. A lot of people in my life have avoided me because they assume that I won't approve of things they do, and I can't tell you how frustrating that is because I have never stopped loving anyone just because of differences we have. Yeah, if you ask me whether or not I think it's a good idea to do something dangerous, I'll tell you that it's probably not a good idea, but will I condemn you when you tell me the story? HELL NO. Some of the people I love most in life have done things that I will probably never do or that I'm trying really hard not to do, and I don't love them just in spite of it, I love them because I see who they are. So see who I am too.
3. ON A FURTHER NOTE, DO NOT ASSUME THAT WE ARE SCARED OR DON'T KNOW WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO. Another thing that bothers me is that people assume that I don't do something because I'm afraid to try it or something. There actually have been things that I have tried and have decided not to continue doing simply because I do not have the desire. Some things that are fun to others are not fun to me, and some things are, but I still decide not to do them because I have other priorities. There are some people that make the decision not to drink because they saw how destructive it was to someone close to them or their family. Some people try to hold off sex, not because they are prudes who only do things because they're told to, but because they've seen how the consequences can change someone's life and try to learn from that. Different experiences affect people in different ways. Accordingly, I feel like people sometimes think that I believe things that I believe just because my parents told me to and assume that I haven't actually thought for myself. In reality, I think probably too much so trust that if I say something, I have probably confirmed it in my head several times, unless I say otherwise.
4. YOU KNOW HOW MODELS CLAIM THAT THEY DO PHOTOSHOOTS FOR PLAYBOY SO THAT THEIR KIDS WILL KNOW THAT THEIR MOM USED TO BE HOT? This is kind of ridiculous, but I have been in a relationship for awhile, and I'm a pretty great girlfriend so you will never see me flirting with anybody except my boyfriend unless I'm trying to get some kind of discount. So just because you've never see me do my thing, does not mean I have always been this cold and does not mean that I have always been only the "sister" type. I worked my magic and got what I wanted so there's no reason for you to ever see that again, but for the record, just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it isn't there. +]
5. SOMETIMES I'M NOT TRYING TO CORRECT YOU, I JUST WANT TO BE RESPECTED. Ok this may only apply to me, but sometimes I will say something to a guy if he's cussing around me. That's not because I'm uptight and don't like hearing the words. In fact, I don't even really care that much, I just feel that guys in particular should know how to treat women like ladies. I have so much respect for guys that are on their best behavior in front of girls because it shows respect. Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, and I will only let a man be king in my life if he does so.
6. WE ARE NOT BORING. Like I said before, I'm not insecure in any way about the way I live my life, but I'll be honest when I say that I don't like the idea of people thinking that I'm not living my life to the fullest. This is my belief that explains everything I do: I believe that everything that we will ever need to make us happy God has already put within our reach.
This is important, and it only really hit me when I was driving back from the gym tonight. Deep breaths. Taking a deep breath can bring you so many things for which people often go to therapy. Taking deep breaths tonight helped restore my sense of clarity when I felt lightheaded. There have been other times when it has brought me peace when I felt angry and strength when I felt nervous or unsure of myself. The things that make life worth living are love and passion and beauty. You find love by giving part of yourself to another person and sharing what's best in each other. You find passion by using the gifts that God has given you to make your life more interesting. You can find beauty just by looking at the world that surrounds you. What makes people beautiful is confidence which they find by appreciating themselves, not in products or wealth. What makes a woman stand out in a room is poise and the kind of sincerity and enthusiasm in her smile that just cannot be bought. My philosophy is that you should never have to buy anything to make you happy. Maybe that's just easy for me because I happen to not find much satisfaction in liquor or designer drugs and because I know that there will always be something in a magazine that I will never own. My point is that what I'm doing leaves me content at the end of every day, even when I'm heartbroken or disappointed or stressed or alone because I always know that God's gifts are endless.
Anyway, give the "good kids" a break. We don't want to hurt anybody. We don't hate you. We're not necessarily stuck up or intentionally condescending. We're just doing our thing just like you are. So let us live in this world too, and feel free to let me be your friend.
