Regret

Sami: I'll be completely honest here, because I understand what regret can do to you, I've spent a lot of time in the past regretting things that I've done. Whether it's something small like saying something stupid to the guy you like or something big like making a mistake that hurt a lot of people. I've had my fair share of sleepless nights thinking of how things would have turned out if I had done things differently. So I can confidently say that regret is a waste of time. Regret digs at you so intensely sometimes that it actually hinders your day to day life, and frankly that's no way to live. I'm a strong believer that things happen for a reason and that everything will turn out okay. So let it go and try to move past your regret and move on to tomorrow. Stop thinking of how things would have turned out and concentrate on the present. I know this advice is not so easy to take, but take it from a girl who is an expert of regretting the past, your life will be so much better if you let it go, learn from it and move on. You cant change the past, nothing will be able to do that.

Alex: The only thing I can add onto that is that once you move on, remember to take into consideration what consequences you or others might suffer before you make any rash decisions. Something that may seem fun at first may be soooo not worth it after you see all the damage it does.

Playing the Game of Love

Alex sucks at the game of love.

I think we'd all agree that love is wonderful and, well, lovely. I don't know anybody that doesn't like being adored by someone and getting butterflies and being kissed. However, any of us that have ever flirted, dated or actually been in a relationship could also agree that it's not always pure joy and keeping it going is a lot trickier than getting it started. The fact is that both parties in a relationship have to survive so what ends up happening is that the relationship turns into a big game of balancing power, giving and taking, and struggling to maintain the happiness of your partner while also managing your own dignity. 

Although all the pleasurable parts of the relationship often make this struggle worth it, the truth is that throughout the game there's always somebody winning and somebody losing. You might be trying so hard to show your partner that you care and make them appreciate you that you end up giving way more than he/she is. Then it'll probably switch, but after a certain point, especially after you get really comfortable in the relationship where one or both parties feel like they don't need to give as much, leaving at least one person feeling unloved and unappreciated. That's when you start getting in fights.

Another way this comes up is in the pursuit of a relationship. We base dating on rules. There are always people who play hard to get, who have a specific amount of time to wait before they call, and who don't kiss until the third date. Why do you think we do that? To avoid rejection or coming off too desperate, to stimulate desire and to protect our dignity. If we decide to get into a relationship we know there's a risk of getting hurt, so there's no way we're going to put ourselves in that position without a fight. We make the people we care about work to convince ourselves that we're not as vulnerable.

When is the game over? Does it happen after a K.O. or after somebody gets the high score? Is there a way to get on the same team? If you forfeit does that mean both sides get back on their buses and never see each other again? Is there a way for both teams to win?

HELP ME!!! I need answers...

PS I just responded to a comment left by "anonymous"  on September 17 on "If you can't get someone off your mind, are they really supposed to be there?" Sorry for the delay!!

We miss people who know us!

Alex and Sami miss our Fantastic Four!

(*SO I know we were supposed to start posting every day, but I mean we're busy people so yeah that might not work. Hey we tried though! And now you know when you read something, it'll actually be about something worth reading!)

So Sami and I were talking about it today, and we're starting to miss the close group of friends that we had in high school. I mean obviously when you go away to school you miss your family, friends, your TV with 900 channels, home-cooked meals, and probably your bed, but we're not talking about just being homesick.

When you go to college, it's not hard to make friends because you're surrounded by peers that are all trying to make friends of their own. That's not the hard part. The difficult part is that unlike your friends from high school that have probably known you for a really long time (Sami, Kristen, Ashley, and I have known each other since at least 3rd grade), these new friends know nothing about you. So even once you get past the small talk, they still don't know about all the relationships you've been in and what's so great about your boyfriend; they don't know why you have certain views or the reasons for certain things you do or don't do; they missed out on a whole lifetime, and while that doesn't mean that they can't be good friends in the future, explaining who you are to people constantly gets old after awhile.

We miss having people to go to around whom we can be ourselves and who understand our weird senses of humor and sarcasm and who don't get annoyed when you say something dumb and who don't judge you when they disagree with you. We never had drama. We never got in fights. We never had to try to get each other to like us. 

I have people I can talk to about stuff here, but it takes time to establish a relationship where you feel like you can really say anything to someone. Those relationships have to be built and earned. Sami and I were spoiled by having such good friends. I'm sure eventually we'll have those kinds of friendships at school, but for now, it seems hard for anyone to fill the shoes of our best friends.

The good part is that when we go home, it feels like we never left. Everything just goes back to normal.