How can you tell the difference between love and lust?

Oh no!: Anonymous poster in distress!

Someone who commented on our last post asked us the question, "What's the difference between love and lust?" It's a great question, and one that I'm struggling to answer.

According to dictionary.com, "love" can be defined as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." "Lust" is comparatively defined as an "intense sexual desire or appetite."

Alex's Response: Ok, I don't know much about lust because typically whenever I lust it's with someone I love or it's over someone I'm trying to get my mind on to get my mind off the one I love. So Sami might be able to tell you more about lust, but meanwhile I'll tell you how to tell if you're in love.

You know you're in love when...
-they're the last thing you think of before you go to sleep.
-whenever you think of something to do, you immediately think of doing it with them.
-whenver your phone rings/you get a message or comment on facebook/you get a text, you're praying it will be that person.
-you start to worry after they don't answer your call and you're shudder at the thought of something bad happening to them.
-you could probably be with them nonstop for a week and never get sick of them.
-you get hot chills and break into a sweat every time you see their name on your caller id.
-you would give up watching your favorite tv show to be with them or help them with a problem.
-you find yourself feeling oddly complete and content whenever you're around them.
-the highlight of your day has anything to do with them.
-a kiss stops time and makes you feel like everything around you is lost in a blur.
-a kiss makes you lose your breath and weak in the knees. (yeah that actually happens)

All that may sound cliche, but that's only because it's a magical experience that people have never tried to stop explaining. Let's see what Sami thinks...

Sami's response: okay so I think that I can tell you a little about lust, but not so much about love. So I would trust Alex about the love stuff because I dont think I've been in love but I do think she has. So I think that lust can come in so many different forms thats its hard to explain. A lot of people will say that lust is purely physical but I dont think that at all, I totally think that lust can be physical, meaning you purely want someone in the physical sense but I also believe that lust can be just wanting to be with someone or wanting something from someone, maybe you just want to talk to that person but its based off of what YOU want, I think that love is all about compromise and that lust is selfish, I'm definatly not saying that lust is a bad thing I think it's completely normal and neccessary but I think that lust is what you want and love is taking into account the person that your in love with. So I do think that there is a big difference between love and lust and when your in the middle of either you might not be able to see the difference but dont stress everything will resolve itself in the end!

rebound? a bad thing? getting over a relationship.

Well first off I want to say that San Francisco is officially my favorite city! and I am very excited about college!

Attention: Sami is content... for now

So while I was in San Fran ( I know that I'm totally lame for calling it that btw) for the weekend, I was thinking about relationships and thought to myself, while I was sitting next to a very attractive male at orientation, that maybe its not so hard and difficult to get over someone, and trust me I know that a rebound is not always the way to go, but is it always a bad thing? I just think that this crap that they sell you about it taking time to get over someone is bullshit. I know that for some people is it hard and it takes a long time, and obviously it depends on how long you were together and how the relationship ended, but I like to think of myself as an independent woman, and I'm not going to just sit around and wait for my ex to show me in some grand way that he wants me back. I'm going to move on. Maybe with someone else... I know that rebounds can get pretty sticky, especially when they come in the form of "no strings attached" because from experience I know that friends with benefits never works, but is trying to move on really such a bad thing? I know that there are other ways to get over someone, like say taking up knitting or eating a lot of ice cream, but I dont think that I'm a horrible person for wanting someone and a little excitement in my life. Am I terribly misguided? 

Clearly this logic is a little crazy. So call me crazy. I'm not going to sit around and wait for someone who hurt me pretty badly to come crawling back to me apologizing for all the pain he caused. I'm over it. He should be too. So maybe I will go flirt with that attractive male sitting next to me. Carpe diem. 

How jealous is too jealous?

Alert: Alex is moderately distressed.

So I have a question.

(Btw, if you were wondering why Sami hasn't posted anything yet it's because she's in San Francisco at orientation for USF so wish her luck!)

How jealous is too jealous?

And I'm not talking about being jealous of a girl that's prettier than you because I'm pretty content with my opinion that it's unhealthy to envy what someone else has. When it comes to your God-given traits, it's best just to try to learn to love them because you're stuck with 'em for life.

I'm talking about when it comes to someone of the opposite gender, whether it be a significant other, "fun" buddy, fling, crush, or even if you're in a complicated "break" situation. Like say I'm a girl (which I am), is it ok to be jealous of the other girls that interact with the boy of my desire? And assuming that it's somewhat impossible to restrain those emotions, how jealous can you get before it becomes unhealthy? I guess it would also be different in different situations like maybe you're allowed to be more jealous if you're actually with the guy/girl or not with them. I don't know.

What do you think? I'm very curious.

Do nice guys actually exist?

Attention: ALEX is in distress.

It's no news that it's every girl's dream to find her Prince Charming. In my opinion, Prince Charming is not so hard to find. In fact, any guy in pursuit of a girl plays the Prince Charming bit. Charm, whether genuine or fake, is merely a role that guys play to win the hearts of their desired lady. Any guy can do it, and many girls fall for it at one point or another. There's no lack of charming guys, but what I'm looking for is a genuine nice guy. Even if I meet a nice guy, I'm having a hard time believing that's not just an act as well.
I remember a time when there were nice guys and bad boys.

• Bad boys were the ones you fell for even though your friends warned you not to because they knew exactly what to say to make your heart melt and exactly how to efficiently unhook your bra.
• Nice guys were always friends first and were willing to wait as long as it took to win your affection.
• Bad boys would play all these games to make sure they had all of the power in the relationship.
• Nice guys listened to what you have to say and weren't afraid to show their friends how much they liked you.
• Bad boys were the ones that you found out actually had another girlfriend or broke up with you because you wouldn't go as far as they wanted you to.
• Nice guys were loyal, called you every night and strutted you around everywhere you went like he knew you were the prettiest girl there.

Now the line is way too blurry. Guys that I thought were nice cheat on their girlfriends...but have good reasons. They also do things that you know are out of their character just because their friends are. After awhile, they stop appreciating you as much as they used to, or they cheat on you with their ex-girlfriend even though they claim that they love you.

In movies after the guy screws up he always makes some grand gesture to redeem himself, or he saves the girl just when she needs it. Examples:

• The Last Kiss -Zach Braff's character sleeps outside his wife's porch until she forgives him.
• Say Anything - John Cusack stands outside his lover's house holding a boombox over his head blasting their favorite song.
• The Notebook - After Noah realizes he was stupid for breaking up with Allie he writes her a letter every day for a year and builds the house of her dreams.

When was the last time that ever happened to you? Where's our knight in shining armor? Do nice guys actually exist?